


Different Kind of Love

by Steeella



Category: Buzzfeed Unsolved (Web Series), Watcher Entertainment RPF
Genre: BergaraGuitara, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Getting Together, M/M, Musician AU (kind of), Not Actually Unrequited Love, Pining, Ryan Bergara Loves Shane Madej, Shane Madej Loves Ryan Bergara, Songwriting, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-13
Updated: 2020-07-13
Packaged: 2021-03-05 06:00:25
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,374
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25239616
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Steeella/pseuds/Steeella
Summary: Some days Ryan felt like he was going through a breakup all over again. Not with a person, but with himself. His own thoughts. The crushing of his own dreams. The quelling of the notion that maybe, maybe, his love wouldn’t be so gut-wrenchingly unrequited.So, on the days when the longing and pain was so all-consuming, he picked up his guitar. It became an extension of himself, and the yearning that stretched all through his body would end at his fingertips and begin again at the strings.OR,Ryan writes a song, with the intention that Shane will never ever hear it.
Relationships: Ryan Bergara/Shane Madej
Comments: 27
Kudos: 121





	Different Kind of Love

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: this is of course a work of fiction. I completely respect Ryan and Shane's real lives and relationships :)  
> That being said, I hope you enjoy this!  
> The song this is all based on and the one Ryan 'writes' is called Different Kind of Love by The Motive. I couldn't find the lyrics online, so if I've got them slightly wrong and anyone knows, feel free to let me know. I recommend listening to it :)

Things with Shane were always... different . Always were. Probably were always going to be . Different to Ryan's other friends. Different to how he had ever felt with anyone before.

Before Shane, Ryan had been _so sure_ of himself. So sure, that he knew everything about himself, so trusting in his blind idea that he had felt everything he had the capacity to feel. But then he met Shane, or rather, Shane became a part of him, rooted deep like a pulse. And this new relationship, this new friendship, it had brought lots of new things into Ryan’s life. Joy, for one, and the feeling that he had met someone who completed him without even having to try.  But there was always something else, something like longing that clung on at the back of his mind. A longing he had never felt before, because he had never had to. Never had he been so drenched in want, drowning in inner conflict. 

Ryan knew he had always loved Shane. He just initially mistook it for curiosity.

At first, he told himself  he was content to love Shane like he was a song, or a movie character. He would be right there, whenever Ryan needed him, and if he closed his eyes and stretched out his hand, he could touch him. Yet Shane would always be in an other world.

Yeah, things were always different with Shane.

//

Ryan said he started playing guitar for stress-relief. That was true. He had been going through a breakup, and it was therapeutic.

Now that Ryan really had moved on, the guitar served a new purpose. 

Some days he felt like he was going through a breakup all over again. Not with a person, but with himself. His own thoughts. The crushing of his own dreams. The quelling of the notion that maybe,  _ maybe,  _ his love wouldn’t be so gut-wrenchingly unrequited. 

No.

He couldn’t let himself get his hopes up. It was too dangerous.

So, on the days when the longing and pain was so all-consuming, he picked up his guitar. It became an extension of himself, and the yearning that stretched all through his body would end at his fingertips and begin again at the strings .

Emotions weaved themselves into a melody , affection were strung into chords, and suddenly, Ryan found himself at 3am scribbling his thoughts onto a notebook to form lyrics.

A song. Ryan had written a song. He didn’t particularly know _how_ exactly he had done it, but he had. And it was precious. Maybe it wasn’t even a good song, he didn’t know, but he had put his feelings into music and now they were real. The song, and the music, made Ryan acknowledge everything properly. Now he could carry his love round in the muscle memory of his fingers. It became something he could hear, and instead of being whispers in his brain and secrets in his veins, it was now promises that reverberated round the room, for anyone to hear. 

//

‘’Do you think I’m stupid?’’ he had asked his mother once, the only other person he had ever confided in. ‘’Do you think I’m stupid to love him, when he will never feel the same way  about me?’’

‘’ Well, for one thing, I don’t know about that,’’ his mother had looked at him with fond eyes and a soft smile. ‘’And no, mijo. I do not think you are stupid. I think you are the boy with the deepest heart.’’ 

//

It had all started, really, as most miracles so often do, with Steven Lim rolling across the office on a  wheely chair.

‘’So,’’ he said, maneuvering himself to face Ryan. ‘’I need a favor.’’

‘’Tell me what it is first.’’ favors for Steven Lim tended to be as simple as passing him a cup of coffee, or as stressful as agreeing to look after his cat for 3 weeks. There wasn’t much of an in between, and Ryan knew as such.

‘’Well... it’s my friend’s 30 th birthday coming up, and I’m throwing her a surprise birthday party! I’d originally booked a band to preform for her, since she loves live musi c, but they had to cancel last minute, and I was wondering if you would do  it? I know it’s a lot to ask, but you play guitar, right? And you can sing?’’

Ryan flushed. ‘’How do you know about that?’’

‘’You accidentally sent a recording of yourself with a song you wrote instead of episode footage,’’ Steven explained with a grin. ‘’And you’re good. I would probably do it myself, but I  have to be  organizing the entire thing and it would be a bit weird. ’’ he looked at Ryan’s hesitant face . ‘’I know it’s short notice, but at least have a think. You’ve done live talks for Unsolved and stuff, so it won’t be that different.’’ he stood up with a warm smile. ‘’ And nobody you know except me will be there.’’

Ryan knew what he meant by that.  _ Shane wouldn’t be there. _

It was a lot to think about. He was always up for a  challenge, but singing the song he wrote would be less of a challenge and more of rip ping out a chunk of his heart and putting it on display. What if his song wasn’t even that good? What if he was deluded, biased by the feelings that went along with it? What if he wasn’t even good enough?

Steven’s words echoed around his head.  _ Won’t be that different. _

Everything was going to be different.

//

So, after much deliberation, that was how Ryan found himself standing next to the small stage of the crowded bar, guitar clutched in his hand, feeling like he might throw up.

But in a good way. 

That was how he felt before doing anything in front of a large group of people, and he always used the nerves and adrenaline to do his best. And it wasn’t like he needed to think about what he was doing.  He knew the song so well it was like someone else was playing it for him. 

‘’If I could have your attention, please,’’ Steven said, stepping onto the stage. ‘’My good friend Ryan  Bergara has very kindly agreed to sing us a couple of songs tonight!  Part of it may have been because I promised him free drinks...’’ the audience laughed, "but I’m very grateful regardless. So, Ryan, take it away!’’

Steven gave him a small pat on the back as Ryan stepped up, hands shaking. 

‘’Um... hi guys,’’ Ryan said into the microphone, and he was shocked to hear his voice fill the whole room, so clear and confident. ‘’This song I’m about to sing was written for, and about, my best friend. ’’ he tried to keep the tremor from his words. ‘’He’s not here tonight, otherwise I probably wouldn’t be saying this, because if you watch my show you pro bably know I’m a pretty big chicken,’’ he let out a breathy laugh and looked out into the audience. Why was he saying all of this? Why was he telling these complete strangers (with the exception of Steven ), his deepest, darkest secret? And Steven, oh god, Steven wasn’t an idiot. He was going to know now, and that was just one more thing he had to worry about. But he kept going anyway, because it was like the audience had disappeared,  their faces we re hazy, now it was just like he was speaking to nothing. Or to the sky, where only the stars would listen, and there would be no consequences. ‘’he’s my  best friend, and he’s my favorite person. I wrote this song for when I remember that I’ve always wanted to be more than just friends, and when those feelings are too overwhelming. ’’

There was a pause, then  he cleared his  throat and sang the first line into the microphone.

His fingers fell  into the chord position easily, as though they were made for nothing but to play the song . It made sense, really. The song was for Shane. 

“ _ what will you find, when you try _

_ to make sense of the world as it passes you by? _

_ Cause  _ _ every day _ _ I look into your eyes…” _

The world seemed to fall away.  This song, it was instinctive. It was inbuilt, a part of his blood.  The song was Shane, and everything that came with him. 

“ _ But I really need to ask you,  _

_ Would you run, a thousand miles? _

_ Would you come, from as far as the eye can see, for me? _

_ Maybe, you need  _ _ a different kind of love.” _

Goosebumps all down his arm. The song was every time he cried himself to sleep. The song was every tiny moment when he would exchange smiles with Shane, when they caught each other’s eye. Every subtle touch. Every time Ryan wished it was more. 

_ “Now we’re alive, and we’re flying _

_ Through the world that we made in a blink of an eye _

_ Wrapped together in a paradise. _

_ But it’s too fast, and I know too much _

_ For the time I have spent and the years that have passed _

_ I can’t help but fall into your arms _ _. _

_ But I really need to ask you, _

_ Would you run, a thousand miles? _

_ Would you come, from as far as the eye can see, for me? _

_ Maybe, you need a different kind of love.” _

He played the rest of the song like it was an extra body part.  The patterns on his fingers splayed across the guitar strings were like his bones etched in sound. 

When the last chord was strummed, it bounced around the room .  There was a pause, and then the entire pub burst into cheers and applause. Ryan felt his heart swell. In that moment,  he could use the feeling of hearing people roar their appreciation, stand and clap for him, to fly. 

“Thank you,” he grinned into the microphone, once everyone had sat back down. He played a few more songs, covers of ones he thought everyone would know. 

When he stepped off the stage, several people came up and congratulated him. Rya n’s smile was stretching from ear to ear. 

Steven  arrived at his side with a rather stunned expression. 

“ _ Ryan!”  _ he exclaimed. “ T hat was … awesome!”

“All thanks to you.”

“I think it’s all thanks to someone else,” Steven said slyly. “ You weren’t very subtle about who you were dedicating your song to.”

Ryan rolled his eyes. “I wasn’t trying to be. There’s no point. He’s never going to hear  i t.”

Steven's sly smile  only grew. “Yeah… anyway. Could you get me my jacket from the back room?”

Steven had an odd look one his face, like he was hiding something, but Ryan agreed.  “ Uh… yeah, sure!”

Slightly puzzled,  Ryan walked into the back room, still riding the high after his performance. 

There didn’t seem to be any jackets in the room.

“Hey,” said a voice softly behind him.

Ryan whipped around to see Shane,  standing there, an unreadable expression on his face. 

“Oh!” his heart was doing somersaults. “Shane! Hey, what are you doing here?”

“ Steven told me you were preforming, and you know, I couldn’t miss that.”

“Oh.” said Ryan again. Shane had heard? Heard the song? Shane had just witnessed a little hidden part of Ryan’s soul. He had basically just admitted everything to him. Maybe he should just pretend it wasn’t a big deal. “D-did you think it was any good? Did you like it?”

Shane looked like he was trying to figure something out. Something puzzling. He kept his gaze steady. “I really did, Ry. I really did. It was incredible.” He swallowed heavily. “ _You’re_ incredible.”

Ryan’s heart literally couldn’t be beating any faster.  He was so thrown off guard by Shane’s sudden  _ openness _ , Shane, who never showed his feelings if he could help it. Ryan was so used to be the one that broke down first, the one that showed their cards, who wore his heart on his sleeve. 

He didn’t know what to say. 

“ Y ou know, whoever you wrote it for is a pretty lucky guy.” Shane said leaning against the wall , and Ryan could see a  smile creeping across his face. 

“Oh, do you?” Ryan tried to keep his voice  calm . “ Yeah. He’s pretty special.”

“He is?”

“Yeah, Shane. You really are.”

And then, Ryan didn’t really know how it  happened,  maybe it was simply what  _ had  _ to happen, maybe this was just what was ways going to be written for them, but Shane leaned down and kissed him.  Tenderly at first, almost hesitant, as if he wasn’t entirely sure that Ryan would want to kiss him back. 

But he did. God,  did .

Ryan deepened the kiss, pushing his weight slightly against Shane’s chest so that they fell back  gently against the wall 

Shane’s lips were soft, and he felt so familiar and yet so new and beautiful. Ryan’s arms wrapped around his shoulders and Shane’s  arms were around Ryan’s waist because they needed to be  _ closer.  _ To be closer and never  leave. 

After an eternity, or maybe it was just a moment, they broke apart. Ryan was flushed and his lips were slightly swollen , and Shane was panting slightly. 

“Ryan Bergara,” he said breathlessly. “I would run a thousand miles. I would come from as far as the eye can see, from however long it takes me, but if it brought me to you I would do it.” 

Ryan felt  his breath catch in  his throat. He thought only he was capable of such vulnerability. Not Shane, who didn’t flinch at  jump scares or  hide from  ghosts.  To be so raw, so  unwaveringly honest was only something Ryan knew how to do in music. 

Maybe one day he would ask Shane to teach him. 

“I love you,” one of them said, and the other said it back.

Th e crowd’s cheers were nothing compared to what Ryan felt as he rested his head against Shane’s chest and felt Shane run his hands through his  hair. 

This was  home. This was right. This was how it was supposed to be, and it was how it would always be. 

Because really, it wasn’t that different after all.

**Author's Note:**

> Hi guys! i hope you enjoyed this! It was super fun to write, because I love music too (even though I play piano and saxophone). Hope you're all staying safe and well during these times :)
> 
> (Comments and kudos are always greatly appreciated)


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